posted on November 1st, 2003, 10:55 pm
Well, Why janeway is better than picard
1.One word: hair
2.More hair than all previous Star Trek commanding officers combined.
3.Drinks coffee, not that sissy "Earl Grey" stuff.
4.Mutes the doctor when the doctor gets out of line.
5.Keeps her First Officer properly in the dark.
6.Hasn't let an adolescent pilot the Federation flagship -- yet.
7.Has a more manly voice
8.Picard could never act like a prostitute to gain a tactical advantage.
9.Commanded ships blown up: Picard: 2 Janeway: 0
10.Voyager needs a female Captain. Its Captain must be willing to admit
they're lost and pull over for directions.
11.Hasn't quoted Shakespeare -- yet.
12.Looks better in sleepwear.
13.Gives guilt trips that would make a Jewish mother proud.
14.Beams down to the planet like real captains should.
15.Her Security Chief hasn't been eaten by a tar monster.
16.Isn't French with an English accent.
17."Get the cheese to sickbay!" I don't know why this is here, either,
but I loved that line!
18.Will give you two days off to ponder your lifeshattering experience.
19.When Janeway lands her ship, it can take off again.
20.Janeway says "I don't like you!" to her enemies instead of trying to
convince them to behave better.
21.To comfort children, Janeway cares for them in a loving motherly way.
Picard sings a song...in French...about a monk...who can't wake up for
morning bells.
22.The only child on Voyager is a cute baby girl with horns.
23.Janeway has a First Officer with a tattoo.
24.Picard likes to talk his way through. Janeway likes to punch her way
through.
25.She doesn't have any pesky Federation Admirals to get in her way.
26.Three words: Compression Phaser Rifles.
27.Doesn't need a robot and a blind engineer to explain "technobabble" to her.
28.Acknowledges freely when she breaks the Prime Directive instead of trying
to weasle her way out of it with philosophical ramblings.
29.Episodes before surrendering the ship: Janeway: 41 Picard: 1
30.45 episodes and Wesley has yet to save the ship.
31.Janeway's holo programs create useful things like doctors and lungs.
Picard's holodecks create maniacal evil geniouses who yet again take
over the ship.
32.She doesn't need to straighten her uniform every time she stands.
33.Janeway has never worn green tights and frolicked about in Sherwood
Forest. However, if she did, she would look fantastic!
34.Same level of sexual tension between Doctor and Captain.
35.Has kids and they're cute little amphibians.
36.Never worries about meeting a son she never knew she had.
37.Kirk looked good in ripped shirts; Picard looked good without a shirt;
Janeway would look... no, they can't do that on network television.
38.Cheese
39.Doesn't force her crew to wear awful outfits, unless it is to blend in
with a primitive planet.
40.She doesn't waste time learning foreign languages. All lifeforms in
the Delta Quadrant speak perfect English.
41.Her engineer does not wear a bananna clip over her eyes.
42.Slouches in her chair even in critical life-threatening moments.
43.Doesn't have a Counselor on board (thank God!).
44.Her telepath only lives nine years.
45.Janeway heard the words "boldly go where no man (er, woman) has
gone before" and took them to the extreme.
46.45,000 light-years is one thing. Every point in the universe
instantaneously? That's excessive!
47.Picard tells alien cultures, "I hope our two cultures will one day
come to a greater understanding." Janeway threatens them with "the
deadliest of force."
48.Janeway's "Do it!" is more likely to be used in a Nike commercial
over Picard's "Make it so!"
49.Janeway's holo-characters fall in love with her. Picard's
holo-characters want to kill him.
50.Janeway's Security Chief would never grow a ponytail.
51.Picard's betazoid is a psychologist. Janeway's betazoid was a psychopath.
52.The high point of Enterprise cuisine were scrambled eggs that only Worf
could stomach.
53.Doesn't have to point which way to go when they set off.
54.Maintains an elaborate hairdo that would baffle even Princess Leia.
55.Has mastered facial expression understood by all to mean, "Boy, Paris,
are YOU ever stupid."
56.Picard's First Officer never complimented his legs.
57.Janeway met Automated Unit 3947, the evil twin brother of Twiggie from
Buck Rogers in the 25th Century.
58.Janeway has never tried to assimulate the human race.
59.Doesn't need her first officer's permission to blow up her ship.
60.The highest field commision Picard ever gave out was "Acting Ensign."
61.Cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese. I can't help myself!
62.Hugs her Vulcan from time to time.
63.Doesn't have a starship that splits in half when it's in a tight spot.
64.Doesn't need her psychiatrist next to her when making critical decisions.
65.Has a dog and a significant other, not some damn fish!
66.Has an unlimited supply of shuttlecraft.
67.Had sex with a crewmember and "might have initiated it."
68.Kes. Troi. No contest.
69.Neelix. Replicator. Ok, this one's debatable.
70.At least she doesn't have to yell "Hot!" at her cook every time she wants
something to drink.
71.Neat-looking folding warp nacelles
72.Grey carpet to hide the coffee stains
73.Her CONN officer actually went through the Academy.
74.Her CONN officer can use contractions.
75.Her first officer has a halucinogenic device.
76.Her Security Chief doesn't double as the ship's receptionist.
77.Picard's crewmembers become Maquis. Maquis become Janeway's crewmembers.
78.Janeway could've beaten the Nausicaans at dom jot without rigging the
table.
79.Janeway's Security Officer draws his phaser at the first hint of trouble.
Picard's Security Officer gets beat up by half the aliens that come
aboard.
80.Her Security Officer would never drink prune juice.
81.Picard, a mere 1,000 light-years from home, got down on his knees and
begged Q to get the Enterprise out of its mess. Janeway, 40,000
light-years from home, didn't.
82.Hostile aliens surrounding her, half the crew are spies, the nearest
help is 75 years away, and she's still kept the ship together.
83.None of the crew members' relatives have ever tried to take over the
ship, invade the Federation, steal a starship, or enslave all humankind.
84.To help her relax, Janeway's first officer helps her contact her spirit
guide. Picard's first officer helps him get . . . to Risa.
85.Riker never smiled at Picard that way.
86.Q asked Janeway to run away with him and she refused. Q asked Picard's
girlfriend to run away with him and she accepted.
