The Man's Rules
Want to say something off topic? Something that has nothing to do with Trek? Post it here.
posted on May 14th, 2011, 1:31 pm
So it's about time we laid down some rules. The Man Rules. These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes or No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. And if you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question that you don't want an answer to, expect an answer that you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, hockey, golf or football.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape? Round IS a shape!
Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes or No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. And if you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question that you don't want an answer to, expect an answer that you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, hockey, golf or football.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape? Round IS a shape!
Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
posted on May 14th, 2011, 1:41 pm
Brilliant! May I add a couple, please?
1. Remember, men find sex to be the most fascinating subject ever invented and something which entertains us for days. All of our other entertainments cost money. Think really, really hard about just how many new power tools are on the shelf at the Home Depot right now. Before you cut us off.
1. To men, sex is like pizza. There is no such thing as "bad" pizza. Unless there is no pizza.
1. Remember, men find sex to be the most fascinating subject ever invented and something which entertains us for days. All of our other entertainments cost money. Think really, really hard about just how many new power tools are on the shelf at the Home Depot right now. Before you cut us off.
1. To men, sex is like pizza. There is no such thing as "bad" pizza. Unless there is no pizza.
posted on May 14th, 2011, 2:57 pm
posted on May 15th, 2011, 4:20 am
Last edited by thunderfoot006 on May 15th, 2011, 4:23 am, edited 1 time in total.
Found and thought of a few more.
1. I heard every word you just said. The reason I have not responded verbally is I am just like the cavemen. They knew if they made the tiniest sound the sabertooth would eat them. It isn't my fault, it is DNA. You cannot blame me for that.
1. The next time you get angry at the children for something they did which you want to blame on me, remember that half of their DNA comes from your family.
1. Asking your girlfriends for advice about "the relationship" is exactly the same thing as asking your mechanic to perform brain surgery. Your girlfriends do not understand men any better than you do.
1. Married men die long before married women because they [color=red]want to.[/color]
1. Divorce attorneys are very expensive because they are worth it.
1. The person I should have married is my father in law.
1. Why yes, as a matter of fact, I do like Godzilla movies a lot.
1. Women would be much more interesting if they could do 0-60 in less than four seconds or they came in .357 Magnum.
1. Anyone can say the words, "I love you.". When I change the oil and the tires on your car without being asked to, I am proving it. This automatically exempts me from unnecessary talking.
1. I heard every word you just said. The reason I have not responded verbally is I am just like the cavemen. They knew if they made the tiniest sound the sabertooth would eat them. It isn't my fault, it is DNA. You cannot blame me for that.
1. The next time you get angry at the children for something they did which you want to blame on me, remember that half of their DNA comes from your family.
1. Asking your girlfriends for advice about "the relationship" is exactly the same thing as asking your mechanic to perform brain surgery. Your girlfriends do not understand men any better than you do.
1. Married men die long before married women because they [color=red]want to.[/color]
1. Divorce attorneys are very expensive because they are worth it.
1. The person I should have married is my father in law.
1. Why yes, as a matter of fact, I do like Godzilla movies a lot.
1. Women would be much more interesting if they could do 0-60 in less than four seconds or they came in .357 Magnum.
1. Anyone can say the words, "I love you.". When I change the oil and the tires on your car without being asked to, I am proving it. This automatically exempts me from unnecessary talking.
posted on May 15th, 2011, 5:33 am
All of these are so true 
posted on May 17th, 2011, 11:48 am
again, very funny.
posted on May 17th, 2011, 3:56 pm
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