Edit Contest

posted on October 10th, 2007, 5:32 am

Alrighty,  this is a contest to see who can fix this the best.
the winnrar gets 100 interwebz. 
word changes go in red
punctuation changes go in yellow
word additions go in pink
complete removals go in lime green

Since people have been around they have imagine a world where they can live with no worries and be perfectly safe. Reason that it has only been imagine is because it is impossible to reach a utopia one may reason that i say it is impossible is are human natural.  Everyday humans are born and eveyr single one of those babies is not even alike to the other.  With no one being alike thinking the same way they do there will be one person one rebel that would decide to go against there ways.  Also to achieve an utopia you need every one to have happiness which in the long wrong would not happen.  To make every one be happy they have to be the best they can be but only really one person can be the best one.  So with only one being the best all the rest will waste there time trying to better than the number one person which will cause stress or melt downs.  To have a benevolent leader sounds great but after time it will get to his head.  It happen so many times in are history, all in due time.  So if one man holds all the power to the whole civilization he would and is going to use it to his advantages.  Many people said taking out money would make the utopia but I have to disagree.  With out money people will feel that there doind all this work for nothing.  Day after day doing there job or duty will be meaningless if there is nothing you get award at the end of the week.  Those are some reason I see an utopia never happening in are time.

[Slipstream]

posted on October 10th, 2007, 7:10 am

Last edited by Slipstream on October 10th, 2007, 7:12 am, edited 1 time in total.

Allright,  this is a contest to see who can fix this the best.
the winner gets 100 interwebs. 
word changes go in red
punctuation changes go in yellow
word additions go in pink
complete removals go in lime green

Since people have been around, they have been imagining a world where they could live with no worries and could be perfectly safe. Reason that it has only been imagined is because it is impossible to reach a utopia. One may reason that I say it what is impossible is are human nature.  Every day humans are born and every single one of those babies is not even like to the others.  With no one being alike thinking the same way they do, there will be one person, one rebel that would decide to go against the ways.  Also, to achieve a utopia you will need everyone to have happiness which in the long wrong world would not happen.  To make every one be happy they have to be the best they can be, but only really one person can be the best one.  So with the only one being the best all the best will waste the time, trying to be better than the number one person which will cause stress or meltdowns.  To have a benevolent leader sounds great, but after time it will get to his head.  It has happened so many times in our history, all in due time.  So if one man holds all the power to the whole civilization he would and is going to use it to his advantages.  Many people said taking out money would make the utopia but I have to disagree.  Without money people will feel that they are doind all this work for nothing.  Day after day doing the job or duty will be meaningless if there is nothing you get as award at the end of the week. These are some reasons I see a utopia never happening in our time.

posted on October 11th, 2007, 1:33 am

any other takers?

posted on October 11th, 2007, 4:03 am

I'll get back to this tomorrow... but I'll just say that Slipstream's is far from complete.. hint hint, nudge nudge (The reason that is has, every one= everyone, the civilization= civilization, the utopia= a utopia, doind=doing, A reward, some OF THE reasons ... for example)
By the way, what made you think of this?
Also... sorry...
The paragraph, even semi-corrected is rather confusing however... too redundant and too much deadwood and somewhat buggy; but that's just me.
For example, a person cannot "have" happiness: they either are happy, or they are not. Similarly "all in due time" does not fit at the end of the sentence: it is a coma splice etc. Also wrong use of the conditional...

posted on October 11th, 2007, 4:07 am

what made me think of this?
i took it from a friend, he got an 8 out of 10 in the english class e wrote this in, and i found it hilarious of all the mistakes. 

[Slipstream]

posted on October 11th, 2007, 12:35 pm

Last edited by Slipstream on October 11th, 2007, 12:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'll get back to this tomorrow... but I'll just say that Slipstream's is far from complete.. hint hint, nudge nudge (The reason that is has, every one= everyone, the civilization= civilization, the utopia= a utopia, doind=doing, A reward, some OF THE reasons ... for example)
By the way, what made you think of this?
Also... sorry...
The paragraph, even semi-corrected is rather confusing however... too redundant and too much deadwood and somewhat buggy; but that's just me.
For example, a person cannot "have" happiness: they either are happy, or they are not. Similarly "all in due time" does not fit at the end of the sentence: it is a coma splice etc. Also wrong use of the conditional...

I am sorry I couldn't edit it well. It's just because I'm from Bulgaria and I speak Bulgarian, not English. I study English at school, so I haven't learned about all of the uses of conditional and the comma splices, and also I don't know all the idioms and expressions. I was trying to do it as quick as possible, because I had to learn my German lessons(I study in a foreign language school, German is very hard.. for a Bulgarian... I suppose you haven't heard of Bulgaria), so I must have missed or did some spelling mistakes.
I was just trying to do my best.

Oh, and if you think that 8.00 am is too early or late for school(which might be in your time zone - I don't know where you live), in Bulgaria it's early in the morning.

posted on October 11th, 2007, 7:38 pm

Don't worry
My family is very... shall we say... diverse. My grandmother was born in Serbocroatia (lives in Austria now), one of her parents is from Bulgaria, the other from Turkey. My mom was born in Italy, lived in Germany, France, Croatia, Venezuela, and Brazil. I am first-generation American... which means I am the butt of many jokes, knowing only 3 languages (my parents each know 8...).
Glad that you tried and did well! 

@ Lumpybob, that is really, really funny and yet depressing at the same time.

posted on October 11th, 2007, 7:54 pm

(... I suppose you haven't heard of Bulgaria)...

actually, I can pin point it on a map, and the capitol is Sofia.


and Dom,yes, i completely agree with you it is very, very funny and sad.

[Anonymous]

posted on October 11th, 2007, 10:42 pm

Last edited by Anonymous on October 11th, 2007, 10:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Don't worry
My family is very... shall we say... diverse. My grandmother was born in Serbocroatia (lives in Austria now), one of her parents is from Bulgaria, the other from Turkey. My mom was born in Italy, lived in Germany, France, Croatia, Venezuela, and Brazil. I am first-generation American... which means I am the butt of many jokes, knowing only 3 languages (my parents each know 8...).
Glad that you tried and did well! 

@ Lumpybob, that is really, really funny and yet depressing at the same time.

3 that only like 3 > I