Alcohol consumption - causes and solutions

posted on May 7th, 2010, 8:17 pm

1. Symptom: Wet and cold feet.
Cause: Your glass is tilted under an incorrect angle.
Solution: Turn your glass so that the open side should be up.
2. Symptom: Wet and worm feet.
Cause: Well, you pissed yourself.
Solution: Go dry yourself in the closest toilet.
3. Symptom: The counter is from white enamel.
Cause: You are still in the toilet.
Solution: Better call for help.
4. Symptom: The beer you ordered an half an hour ago is not coming.
Cause: The counter is behind you.
Solution: Turn aroud. The beer is certainly there.
5. Symptom: The wall in front of you is full of lights.
Cause: You probably fell on your back.
Solution: Position your body at an 90 degree angle.
6. Symptom: Your mouth is full of snipes.
Cause: Your head fell into ashtray.
Solution: Spit them out and rinse your mouth with a shot.
7. Symptom: Blurry vision
Cause: You are looking through a empty glass.
Solution: Ask for a refill of you favourite drink.
8. Symptom: The ground under your feet is moving !
Cause: Two bodyguards are carrying you out of the bar.
Solution: Al least ask them where they take you.
9. Symptom: Multiple reflexions of a face are staring at you from water.
Cause: You're in the toilet, trying to throw up.
Solution: Stick your finger on your throat.
10. Symptom: The people around you have a misterious echo when they talk.
Cause: You put your glass at your ear.
Solution: Stop fooling around.
11. Symptom: The ring is moving, the people around are dressed in white and the music is dull.
Cause: You are in an ambulance.
Solution: Don't move. Possible alcoholi coma !
12. Symptom: Your father looks at you funny and your brothers are perplexed.
Cause: You are in the wrong house.
Solution: Ask them if they know where you live.
13. Symptom: A gigantic spot is blinding you.
Cause: You are lying on your back and is already daylight.
Solution: Have a coffee.

posted on May 7th, 2010, 8:39 pm

Lol.

Nice find. 

posted on May 7th, 2010, 10:21 pm

Indeed a nice find! 

I especially like that lines (which remind me, that I wanted to savour a newly bought bourbon this evening ):

    „7. Symptom: Blurry vision
    Cause: You are looking through a empty glass.
    Solution: Ask for a refill of you favourite drink.“

But always take care of the following:

    „I like to have a martini,
    two at the very most.
    After three I'm under the table,
    after four I'm under my host!“

Have a good time folks!

posted on May 8th, 2010, 12:09 am

posted on May 8th, 2010, 1:31 pm

  Nice !